The New Youth Minister Smell

Hey! If a new car can have a smell, so can I. Why should cars get all the credit? Why should they only bottle the “new car fragrance”? How about a new eau de toilette? We'll call it “Essence De Nouveau Youth Guy”.

It's fun to talk about smells. Well, maybe not so fun when you're coming home late at night with a van full of Jr. High boys. But, what about this “new car smell?” You know what I'm talking about, don't you? When a car rolls off the line, it has a distinct and pleasant smell inside the cab. People will actually buy a car and sit in the driveway just breathing. It really does smell good. The trouble is, it only lasts for a little while. Eventually the “new car smell” is replaced with a mixture of other smells, almost canceling it out completely. Did you know that new youth ministers have a smell, too? Don't get to close! I'm using figurative language, here!

Have you ever heard of the fabled “honeymoon period”? It is a social phenomena that most ministers enjoy at the beginning of their time at a new church. You see, when a minister begins working with a group of people, there tends to be a period of, normally, 3 months where he or she enjoys an abundance of immediate relationships, attentive students and indulgent parents. That's not all. Typically, these first few months are devoid of conflict and complaints. It's really something to be experienced. It really is a happy time in a minister's life, which might be the reason it is called a “honeymoon period”. I like to refer to the “honeymoon period” as the “new youth minister smell”, or “the smell” for short.

What causes this phenomena? I could be wrong, but I believe my own honeymoon period, or smell, began when University first began looking at me as the new youth minister. In many cases, searching for a new minister is likened to “courtship”. The church who is searching is essentially “courting” the desired prospect, wooing them into a position. Looking back, I really felt well taken care of during the hiring process in Tuscaloosa. I came down three times before I was hired. Each time I stayed in a nice hotel, ate great meals with the search team, and was chauffeured around town. I was being treated like a king. After I was hired, the kingdom was allowed to continue in the form of this new youth minister smell.

I have talked with other ministers about the new youth minister smell. Nearly all of them could remember experiencing it. The duration was usually around 3 months, but a couple lasted a little longer. They always reminisce about the smell as such a wonderful time. One minister told me, “You need the [smell] so that you can have some time to establish your ministry. It's a gift from God. Use [the smell] to your advantage.”

Boy, did I take that advice and run with it. I'm sure I even overstepped my bounds a few times at University. But, hey! I still had the new youth minister smell. I kept telling our leadership, half jokingly, to let me know when the smell was gone. I've been at University for about a year and a half, now and it is only just recently going away. I don't try to pretend that I know much about ministry. I'm still trying to figure everything out, that's for sure. But, I have picked up some insights over the last few months regarding this whole “smell” issue. The most groundbreaking discovery I have made is that the new youth minister smell is less and less pleasant with every passing month.

The “New Youth Minister Smell” waters down relationships. While the smell lingers, relationships are very shallow. I said before that new ministers enjoy an abundance of immediate relationships during this time. Immediate relationships are nice for a while, but they can't last. They are only “honorary friendships” where small-talk and surface-level ministry are king and queen.

The “New Youth Minister Smell” abandons struggling parents. Does a church place struggling parents on the youth minister search team? If they do, I've never heard of it. Looking back, the parents on the search team that found me are all model parents with really great kids. Of course, any church would attempt to “put their best feet forward” (for lack of better terms). I'm not knocking the search process University used. I just believe that, in the wake of a shining performance by the search team, by the church as a whole, and by the new hire, most parents feel like they can't reveal their struggles without ruining the new smell. And so, they opt to go it alone, unintentionally abandoned.

The “New Youth Minister Smell” gives false impressions. Try as I did during the hiring process to be completely real with the search team, I know I was also trying to put my own best foot forward. Even after I was hired, people in the church were still trying to put their best feet forward. But, as you probably know, the best foot is never the one they use to kick you with. It seems that no kicking is allowed while you are protected by the smell. Unfortunately, when people weren't allowed to kick, you also aren't allowed access to their true passions. When people feel like they have to hold back their true feelings for the sake of the smell, it reveals only false impressions.

I really loved the new youth minister smell at first because of the space it allowed me in my ministry. I had the freedom to mess up without being raked over the coals. But, in retrospect, I hung on to the new youth minister smell way too long. When the new smell should have diffused on its own, I did my best to keep it going. In fact, I managed to keep it lingering in full force until just recently. I'm telling you, it was an eighteen month smell! It left people still feeling like they needed to be cordial instead of real. Parents were afraid to tell me what they really thought for fear that it might make me think they didn't like me. Teens were still very friendly, but there weren't a lot of relationships that went beyond the surface. The bottom line is that real ministry was being choked out by this horrible, pretentious smell.

I got a good look at this phenomena after eighteen months in it's grip. I'm so glad to say that, today, the new smell is gone. No more pretense. No more assuming everyone is perfect. No more pent up feelings. The new smell has been replaced with one that is much, much sweeter. It has been forced out by the wonderful aroma of REAL life, done in community with other imperfect, smelly people. I would take the chance to minister to the depths of the heart of a teenager amidst conflict, crisis, and cruelty over the lie of a polite smile any day. Goodbye new youth minister smell. I won't be missing you.